Hello world, hello you.
I don't know how to describe the feeling that I am feeling now. To be honest I have been having this feeling for half of my holiday, which is nearly a week. This feeling is strange, and I get this feeling most of the time during the holidays. It's like.. I have work to do and I have time, but I just won't do it. I know I am full and had enough food but I will still go and grab chocolate. I have a lot of time but I don't feel like doing anything. I don't feel like sleeping or talking or doing homework or revising or .. whatever. It feels like there's something heavy lying on my heart, or probably my shoulder. I am feeling a little nervous, a little sad, a little excited, a little anxious, and very lost.
This feeling makes me feel very uncomfortable because it makes me feel lifeless because I am not doing anything.
I don't know what's wrong with me. is it because of the talk I had with you yesterday? Or is it because I am just bored? Or is it because I am just going crazy because I am just super tired of avoiding and ignoring what I am feeling inside?
People often say, let go, move on, life goes on. Yes, I know, I know that, you don't have to tell me because I know that life goes on, better than you do. But you know what? let go? Tell me how do you let go of something that you never had? You're not even holding onto it so how do you let go?
Let go of the past? What past? Ha.
This is getting super insane and annoying lately. I need school. I am going to see you but whatever I don't care because when I see you I will pretend. I will pretend and it's like a reflection. Natural reaction. And people tend to become the kind of person they pretend to be, no?
Pretending is tiring, but it works in a way.
I find it very useful to allow me to concentrate on what I should. Pretend you don't care, pretend you don't see him walk past, pretend you don't hear anything, pretend you're happy, pretend everything's perfect, pretend like you're not pretending.
Does anyone knows what's the solution to heartache? Please don't tell me time heals everything. I've had enough of that. And enough means enough.
GAH, I hate this post. It's so emo and sad and such a waste of time typing this thing. I hope everyone that is having a good day today won't read this ):
I think I should go for a walk now. If my mum let me just walk outside nearby the field.
Oh and I think I miss you, a lot.
