I just created an event on Facebook for upcoming Leo installation.
Guess what, I took at least 1 hour to create an event. It's amazing to find out that I've used Facebook for such a long time yet I don't exactly use it at all.
I mean, I just found out that there's actually 'News Feed' and 'Most Recent' like a month ago.
Then only I knew that, Oh those are two different things?
LOL.
Recently I don't feel like doing anything.
I don't know when did this whole thing actually started. But, recently, I don't feel like doing anything.
Since when? I always ask myself.
Is it before holiday, or is it during the holiday, or is it after that?
When school reopened, I thought I was just being lazy, I mean, I was still at the holiday mood, that's why I don't feel like doing anything. Anything at all.
And then, I start dreaming/wondering about other things during lessons.
I don't bother asking when I don't understand. In fact, I just switched off - yes it's that easy for me to just switch off my brain - and I don't bother.
At first, I tell myself that, I am just going to read at home like how I have been doing since beginning of form 4, but then I realize that, I don't care.
I just can't seem to bother about those. Besides iPod and my phone I don't want anything else.
Then, this thought really freaked me out. I guess I am just lost. Or maybe I am just tired. I don't know if you've ever experienced this before..
It feels like you're not living, you don't feel like doing anything, it seems like when you no longer do something for yourself, you do something just because somebody asked you too. You're not doing it voluntarily.
Really, it feels like you don't have a life.
I have been feeling this way for 4 weeks. And I really don't think I can afford to carry on with this thing anymore. So I am waiting for this feeling to go away.
Go away, go away.
I don't know the right word in English that can describe how this feels. So if you can't relate to what I've just typed, you probably just don't get what I said. I believe that there will be people who are going through this or have gone through this, but at the same time there will also be people who haven't gone through a single thing that's close to what I just mentioned.
You're just tired. Or maybe you just have too many things to do until you don't want to do anything anymore. In my life, I have experienced two types of situation before. First, I am tired, I am so tired, I am just tired, but I couldn't sleep at all, not even a minute, I hardly fall asleep, so I went to the doctor. The doctor told me that I've been working too hard, we call it 過勞 in chinese. Secondly, I am still tired, I am so tired, and I sleep at anytime, anywhere, when I have time I will sleep, so I went to the doctor again. And he told me the same thing. So.. can you relate? She said.
Second one, I said. But instead of calling it 'working too hard', I would say that I am just lost. We call it 迷茫 in mandarin.
This is a point of my life which I feel lost, I guess I need to settle down and live again. I need to slowly find back the pieces of myself. Because honestly I think it secretly fell apart before I even noticed.
Have you ever have a rough time just because every single day you don't feel like doing anything? You might call it 'lack of motivation' but I don't. Most of you said I am stressed up but no I am not. I am being honest here. Clarissa and Sara came to seperately asking if I am okay. Asked me to relax and don't get stressed up. But no it's not that, and I can see on their face that I know you're just stressed up, don't lie to me look and I am like oh well.
I thought of seeing Mr. Cephas to deal with this feeling lost and don't feel like doing anything problem. Hmm..
Go away, this feeling, go away.
I need to fix my speech for installation now. I need guidance from people. But I have no idea who to go to. AHHH. I need to show it to Madam Pearl on Monday!
Though I don't know how to fix it, but yeah, I am going to actually stare at it for a while now. Ha. Have a nice weekend :) Loves.
P/s: Rolling in the Deep by Linkin Park is great! Thank you Lee Xia :D
