Hello world, hello you.
I am alone at home today. I chose to stay at home today. Yes, due to the I-don't-feel-like-doing-anything feeling. Well, the original plan is that I am suppose to finish up all my homework, and take a rest. But then I ended up using the computer, listened to music and abandoned my homework again. Again.
Many people told me it's just a phase. It's all just fine. It's just a phase. And this will eventually end. They asked me to take my time and relax, because probably my body needs it, so they ask me to leave, let it be.
Do you know that relaxing yourself in a way like this is pretty tiring for people with my kind of personality? The thing that scares me the most is that, I have the sense of guilt, but it's not enough to make me care, again.
When is this going to end?
Anyway, I went to Kuen Cheng High School's International Understanding Day yesterday. It was.. okay. It didn't start off well for me. Because there weren't any ushers. And I was so lost that I thought I was in the wrong school. Everything seems to be so weird over there. I mean, it's not exactly weird, but different from WMS. There was basketball and volleyball training going on, there were students in uniform, some Kadet Polis and there were Chinese communicating in BM and I went like ._.?
I was wearing my formal attire and apparently I am like the weirdest person over there. Nobody bothers asking me why was I standing there. I am totally fine with nobody asking, but instead some of them even gave me the unfriendly that made me feel very, very uncomfortable.
The rest of the event went on very well. The emcees did a great job.
Went up the stage to take their souvenir though. First time of my life haha. I did not fall :D
Thank you Sheen for cheering so loud when I was going up the stage. HAHA.
I hope I can walk properly during installation too.
Speaking of Installation, I gave the formal invitation letter to the president of interact club of Kuen Cheng. She seems to be a really cute and nice person (:
Installation is in 3 days.
I don't know how to describe how I feel.
I just somehow have that feeling that everything will turn out fine. I just somehow believe that I am prepared already. I just somehow have that feeling that I shouldn't do anything now. Nothing is necessary. I don't need your assurance either.
I don't even need you to be there.
I am serious. I don't the assurance from your eyes, I don't need anything.
Don't look at me and tell me it's going to be okay because with you there, somehow things ain't okay.
I don't want to put up with these anymore, I don't know how but I am going accept the fact that such person like you who touched my life in every single way ain't going to make any difference no more.
It takes courage to follow your mind, and I have courage.
It takes up everything to follow your heart, I am sorry, I can't afford to give you my everything.
Don't get the wrong idea, I don't regret every single thing that I've done.
But I just think it's time to write a fullstop.
I know probably I've said this a thousand times that I am going to move on let go and yet in the end I still end up blogging about how hard it is to let go move on, I know, I do.
I guess that makes a reason why I think I should end this whole thing. It never exactly started but yeah I am sure you get the idea. Because I am tired of trying, hoping then crying, giving up and trying again. It's like a cycle. And it's draining my battery.
It's amazing how the thought of you just affects me, unconsciously. It's funny how I was talking about installation, until half of my post is about you. It's funny how everything about me revolves around you.
And the funniest part is, you don't even know I am talking about you.
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| 15 July 2011; On my way to Mandarin lesson. |
I guess sometimes I need a traffic light in my life. So that it can somehow tell me when to move on, slow down, or probably just stop. In this case, probably I can look at it on time, so when accidents happen, I won't get hit, too hard.
Well, whatever happens, no matter how long this takes, I am going to be fine. For this, I am sure.
