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| A souvenir from Lik Sheng who has just returned from Italy :) |
Today is the last day of 2011. We are finally coming to the end of the year. Can't help but smile when I am thinking 2012 because 2012 marks a new beginning and whatever happens 2011 will just stay in 2011. I went to school today for duty since it's Form 1 Orientation today. My orientation felt like it was just yesterday. I still remember that day I was carrying my bag, I went to the big board and check for my own class, I took such a long time to check because I was shorter than almost everyone else, and all the parents were standing and blocking the board .. okay and after around 10 minutes or maybe more than that, I finally found out that I belonged to 1C then quickly I tried to search for the line for my class.
I remember looking at those seniors in blue uniform, I really thought they look good. I still remember the moment when Jeremy Greenall was still the captain and he conducted assembly on that day. I was 13, and I obviously never thought that one day I will actually be wearing that blue uniform and walk around the school in front those who're younger than me.
Neither did I think that time will actually pass so quickly. 4 years passed. It's a stage of life which you'll face many changes, everyday. The most beautiful part about teenage life is that, you're growing physically and mentally, every single day.
2011 has been a really fruitful year. Powerful lessons, heartwarming gifts & handwritten letters, those laughter that were shared, and those tears that were shed. I can't imagine one day in probably 15 years time I'll be forgetting 80% of all these. And I just wonder what will the ones that stay on my mind. That 20% of memories. They said usually those smallest things are the most memorable ones. And usually you wouldn't know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory.
Would you rather saying some things which you wish you hadn't, or regretting for not saying some things that you wish you had? I've asked several people about this before, and nobody could give me an answer. The most popular answer that I've gotten was 'I don't know, why?' And then I'd change the topic.
Throughout this year, I've realized that I'd rather saying some things that I wish I hadn't because yes I screwed up things before due to saying certain things that I shouldn't have. Because I couldn't take it when I know I have spend the rest of the my life/a long period of time thinking what could've, should've or would've happened if I've done this or if I've done that. That's why this I made a really huge decision and yes I did screw up a lot of things but you know what? For once it actually felt good to screw up.
Yes, it freaking hurts when you screw something that you used all your heart to treasure, but then I thought again, I can't carry on my life hoping and being let down again and again, I have to draw a line, either a finishing line for the whole race or an arrow that leads me another way. I knew I didn't want to be stuck at the same spot. I screwed up and I cried and it felt good to do that because saying things that you wish you hadn't + screwing things up after that = taking a big step toward moving on to a better life.
Some people are like clouds, when they're gone, it's just a brighter day.
2011 also thought me that fate bring people together. We meet and we talk. We get closer and we come best friends. And when the time is well, I would use the word 'right', a friendship will actually end just like that. you know the feeling when you and your best friend just click so well and you guys talk about everything and make jokes about stupid things? Well, when the time is right, that 'click' feeling will be gone out of a sudden, and my this used to be good friend just changed due to influences from people around her. The differences grew bigger and bigger & as much as I try to fit into her world, I could feel the distance growing and it felt like as though I can hear the loud bang when she pushes me out of her world and close that door. That loud bang used to be the worst sound I've ever heard if I don't compare with the sound when a heart breaks.
But well, when a heart breaks, you wouldn't be able to hear anything. Because it feels as though you've lost all senses.
Yes, in 2011, I've lost a best friend. It wasn't anyone's fault. No reason, it just..happened.
I think it's almost impossible to talk about what I've gained and lost this year. I'd take hours. I have the time but I don't think I can think of all at once. I am going to send e-mails later! To everyone. I'll just say whatever that I want to say and the title of that e-mail will be 'You can choose not to read this but Happy 2012!' HAHAH. I will confess about everything. Things that I wish I could've done, or things which I thought weren't supposed to end that way, all the memories that I've built up with that particular person.
I will confess about things that I've done wrongly and I am going to leave 2011 with no regrets. It was good that Nithya asked me about all the things today because I wouldn't say a word about it next year. I know a brand new & fresh start is exactly what I needed.
I was quite tired when I returned from Orientation today, but I just didn't want to sleep. It felt like there are so many things not done yet. Or is it that I just suddenly have that feeling to do so many different things because it's the last day of the year? This is just so funny. I went editted the duty list and downloaded the calendar template. I personalized it for myself and another copy for Sheen as her new year gift. Next year is going to be so eventful. I can't wait!
I actually have that strong urge to join concert. It really is my last year already.
I went to Sunway yesterday and saw June, Esther & Lik Sheng in some random shop and I went up to say hi and the first thing June asked was 'Are those the PMR kids?' She was pointing at Xuen and all and I was just like 'We're taking SPM next year LOL' And then Esther and June were like OMG time fliesss!
Yes, time flies. I am 16 going to 17 now :D
I was talking to Xuen on our way home from Sunway and we were saying that 13 & 14 years old are the most embarassing years in your life, cause you always do stuff that you think is cool and then when you're 15 & 16 every single day in life is just like an awesome gift cause it's filled with all the good things.
I can't describe in words how much I look forward to 2012 because I am seriously poor in vocab but the moment when I think of Amanda who's going to sitting mate, Jhun Ho & Nithya who'll be sitting somewhere near me, I just feel so safe and excited. I can't wait to work on all the projects, all the staying up to study, all the stressful yet thank-God-I've-friends-and-chocolate moments :D
If you were to ask me to descibe 2011 in a word. That word will be bittersweet.
2011 has been a bittersweet year. I have never cried so many times in a year before ever since I was what? 11? This year I've cried so many different kinds of tears. I was once so touched by merely a text and I just cried reading it. That Happy Birthday text.
Oh this just reminded me, this year is the first year which I didn't buy a birthday cake. HAHAH. I am gonna buy a BIG birthday cake next year :D :D
Well, I have 2 hours to type my emails before this year ends.
Thank you 2011, for everything!
Cheers to 2012! :D
