prepare for the worst, hope for the best,

..currently loving life with holidays. Honestly, I haven't been doing much, but I think that's what I am supposed to be doing - yes, not doing anything - I think I needed some proper rest. The people around me - particularly my family and my teachers - seem to be happy that my journey as an Alpha Leo is coming to an end, everyone thinks I need proper rest - and their definition of rest is usually having nothing going on all day.

I don't blame them though, after all I admit that because of me and all the events, had been bringing troubles to them - yes, all my last minute cancelled classes, all my transportation issues etc. etc. I did feel bad at that moment and I admit, I forget easily. Or is it that sometimes I really don't care much? I have no idea.

Kipling's admonition: "If you can dream and not make dreams your master. If you can think but not make thoughts your aim."

Can you relate? I really really love this quote. It is almost relevant to every single person that thinks and dreams. Life is a beautiful struggle, because we don't always get the things that we want, yet we can't deny that life is beautiful. I have been wanting to share this quote with all my prefects, but I realized that this quote really makes me think - as in deep in thought sort of thinking - and I can't find the right words nor phrases to explain this quote fully.

I was looking at my number of blog posts for year 2012 and wondering if I am going to regret for not blogging years later because honestly this year was great - eventhough only half a year passed.

I remember the day I stepped in 3W for my first Leo meeting, I remember feeling a little afraid of how it's going to be like, yet I somehow felt safe because I am close to Li Ching - Thank God I met her, really, she's one of the very few people who can give me the assurance that I need - and I was sitting there, listening to all the things they said. I was paying attention, but right now all I could remember was that they told us it's not easy. It's not easy.

I remember I was dreaming starting from the third meeting. Because they are always scolding, and meetings are always so serious. I don't know what made me stay, I knew I don't hate being in meeting, I honestly have no judgement against the things that they said or the way that they do everything, I chose to listen and observe the way they do things instead. Honestly, I've learnt so much from them that I can't even tell anything in particular. Certain things they do impressed me, I guess that's why I stayed. Though I really didn't like all the scoldings and seriousness. So I chose to dream when they talked. And I chose to attend the events that I feel like it's interesting.

And when they announced the board of directors, everything changed. It wasn't a horrible change. It was not an enjoyable change either, but it was a positive one, I am sure. I remember asking so many people if I should accept the post - though I already said yes to them - but I was having doubts. Because I really, didn't want to be.

             

I wanted to be a secretary so badly, because I love paperwork, I love to organize papers and having cool files and colour pens and paper clips and yeah things like that. I didn't like the idea of having the highest post - I am sorry if I sound proud here but I mean nothing like that - because I am really that kind of person that loves 70% of responsibility, which means I love having someone that I can rely on, and I have thoughts like, well if something happens, it's not going to be me who receive the consequences first - I know this sounds pretty selfish but yeah I didn't feel like I was the right one - Not only that, I felt like making decisions ain't my thing. I preferred watching. Watching others perform, watching how they act and react. I love being the third party, quietly studying what others do, yet being a person that has the slightest power to change the things that I disagree with.

            

At first it wasn't fun, it really wasn't. I mean like I have to attend all the events that the club was invited to. I didn't have a choice. I hated that. I didn't like spending too much time with the VIPs either. I have nothing to tell them honestly. I don't get to take photos anymore because I have to spend time with them. It's pretty annoying at first because I really wanted to just run around crazily and have fun. It's also frustrating when I've got to be serious all the time, and my expectations are often too crazy and I think at first I really did make people feel frustrated. And I really didn't know what to do. I knew what I want, but I didn't know how to get there.

Dr. Ben C. Ng: 'Remember, as a president, there's only 'we', there's no 'I''

I realized this a little bit later. I am glad I did, though. Then it started to get better after installation. Day by day. Event after event I get to know each board member better. Until now, it's time to leave. And when we have no reason to stick together anymore, will we still continue to keep in touch? Is the connection strong enough?

I love being a Leo, because it opened my eyes to so many new things, decision making and project planning. Having crazy ideas and have the opportunities to make things happen. Being able to fix a problem and listen. Listen listen listen. Being grateful to get to know certain people. Get to grow stronger each time someone puts me down. Friends and great partners. Countless late night talk about merely a ticket design or hall decorations. Countlesss Facebook posts to ask for feedback. Text messages to motivate others and myself. Tears and laughter. Prepare for the worst. Hope for the best.

I wish I can describe things properly, but I am really not good at it. I am planning to take a long rest now. For my own sake as well as my family's. A good rest and I believe, if all circumstances allow, I'll start off my journey as an Omega Leo around mid year 2013 :)