I know in my life I won't be able to have a chance to let myself fail an exam anymore, other than this term, so honestly, I didn't study much for this finals. Yes, I admit I can't focus and I admit that I actually feel lucky that I can still answer a few Sejarah questions as well as Chemistry.. And I admit that during the exams, I was lazy to write the answers.
I look at the Sejarah paper, I can easily choose 3 essay questions to do, but I hesitated for like a few minutes because my thought was: Gosh there's so much to write!
Well, it used to be: Thank God I can think of these facts now!
How much I've changed.
This is the final term, so whatever, I just want to get over it. I don't want this yer to end so quickly, but it's ending anyway, I don't want so many things happened, I did so much to stop them from happening, they happened anyway.
So why bother working hard when I won't get anything, anyway?
I thought of blogging throughout this whole damn week, but I wanted to give all of you a positive post, yes wonderful things happened but at the same time there are many negative things too. I believe in the power of being positive, but seriously not all the time we can stay positive. At least I can't. At times when I am positive, I honestly don't know if I am being positive, or am I ignoring the problems.
Well, when you think you're looking beyond the imperfection, are you really doing that, or are you just ignoring thing and burying them deep deep down at the bottom of your heart instead? And one day when the wind blow against your face, something, maybe a photo, a pen, a scene or maybe even a cup of coffee reminds of that piece of memory which you tried so hard to forget - which you did, successfully - but this something just reminded you everything all over again, bringing you back to the past, so tell me, how am I suppose to feel now?
Those people who're stuck in the past are dead.
Have you ever wonder who you're to somebody? Not just relationships, really. Though things like that usually revolves around relationships. But seriously, have you ever wondered who you meant to somebody? Have you ever wondered how much people care for you? Because they just don't show that they care at all? Well I have come to a point which people around me tell me, just accept it, well the only difference between you and others is that you accept all these earlier than they do. This is, reality.
I feel like I am barely breathing. I know I tend to exaggerate things but in this case I wish I did instead. No I don't feel down and depressed all day long, honestly not even now. But this is probably just another moments which I have thousands of thoughts running through my head.
I don't know how do you categorize this kind of moment, but as far as I know, people my age call this 'emo' and maybe some other terms which I don't know.
But I don't define this that way though. I hate it when they make me to have that tendency to define all these feelings & thoughts that way.
I can't wait for the Australia trip. Guess after all these, maybe all I need is a break to somewhere far away. To spend a week with Emily, a friendly girl. To smile and laugh as much as I can. To forget. & to start all over again.
Not long more! Just 3 weeks :)
In another week I am going to Penang with fellow prefects. Libra Cruise.
In two weeks I am going to visit the Orang Asli Kampung with fellow LEOs.
Well, I love the way I start off my post emotional then I still manage to type about the good things in my life eventually. I love how this show me that my life isn't all about you. I love how this make me realized that, no I haven't completely replace everything with you, yet. Almost. Just almost, but not yet.
Most of all, as Nithya said, I am going love the way I look back at all these, because all these are going to make me realize how much stronger that I've gotten, by then.
Anyway, I am planning to set my blog private so please leave your e-mail if you still wish to view :) Cause I know there's still a long way to go, countless emotional posts to type, before I am entirely okay again :)
So yeah, either leave me a message at cbox or facebook or anything at all.
My mum bought me a new aquarium! And a new fish. My fish has a friend now :D I am so happy for my fish. I am going tell Susan this on Monday HAHAHA. Well this is the best thing that happened for today :)
You know exams stress will go away when:-
3) There are a lot of chocolate in the fridge - for you to pick
2) All your pens are working properly and the chemistry notes are colorful.
1) Listen to your favorite music.
But you know, stress also goes away when you have an awesome friend that makes great coffee for you. It kind of took away all my stress and managed to I manage to stay awake for the rest of the night due to that cup (maybe in this case, flask) of latte.
This flask of coffee is going to be very very memorable, one year from now, when I am preparing for my SPM.
Sorry ahaha I just felt like I really should post this up cause this is a special event that happened so thank God he doesn't view blogs or else it's going to be real awkward for him.
Well, I am going to try to study for Computer. And read the Biology experiments again. If I can :)
Have a nice week :) I will blog very soon, maybe before the Cruise trip, maybe after :)
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| Thanks Gareth :) |
