I'm sorry to say, but I'm not exactly ready to blog about camp yet. I don't know why, I am sort of afraid to blog about it. I guess I'm just scared that I will cry again. I thought camp was just going be like, normal camp, you know, with all the activities that will just make you tired, and toilets that freak you out, things like that. However, it turned out to be something, completely different. It transformed me to somebody else, I don't know how much this camp have changed me, but I did change, and changing not just learning about new things that I never knew, but realizing. Realizing and being able to accept.
I was in group 5, Brendan was my group's facilitator, he was a great faci, I should add on. First activity was night jungle trekking. It made me realized how important teamwork is, really. Without torch lights, I still felt safe, I have Yih Wen and Jia Cherng with me. Holding hands, together we looked at the beautiful sky, the fireflies. We could feel the breezy wind blowing, and suddenly I thought, it's alright for all the stress I felt in form 4, it doesn't matter what others say, it's alright, that's life, as long as I still have that moment, just looking the stars. Really, at that moment, nothing matters at all.
Most importantly, I knew you were somewhere, at the same beautiful place, looking at the same sky, the same beautiful stars.
Make a wish! That guide told me,
"Look at the stars, and quickly make a wish! You know, wish upon a star."
I did, I made three wishes. I don't if it's called love, or anything, for I'm just a sixteen year old, I have yet to learn lot of things, I have yet to go through many heartbreaks, many goodbyes, many many things in life. But somehow, when he asked me to make a wish, immediately I thought of you. I didn't plan it or whatever, something inside me just made the decision for me.Yes, people out there reading this probably just laugh, and say, dude, get over it, and stop emoing and act as though you know everything about love. But whatever you know, whatever. I admit that, I don't know everything about love, though.
I wished that no matter where you're heading next time, I hope you'll be happy with things that you're doing, be healthy, most importantly. I wish you can have the best that you can possibly get, I honestly think you deserve the best.
I shall leave the other two unrevealed.
Thank you, for the light that you've shone in my life.
The next day, caving at Gua Kandu. It was a memorable experience. You have really believe in others and believe in yourself. Believe in yourself that you can overcome your fear. Honestly it was really scary. Like, scary. But oh well. I'm still alive. Heh. Thank you guys, for all the 'Be careful!'. And guys that were giving me support, as in like supporting me each time when I was about to fall. And all the lame jokes.
I don't really wanna talk about Li Ching's surprise activity. But thank you, it made me realized a lot, think a lot. I just hope one day the guilt will go away, I will blog about this when I am ready. I don't wanna end up crying again.
End of May, you know that song? By Karen Ann. It give me chills. Heh.
"When you left I lost a part of me,
it's still so hard to believe."
